Don't let the bells end

Weddings are a joke. I don't mean marriage, I mean the ceremonies that go around a couple looking into each other's eyes and promising to do whatever for each other for the rest of their lives; in the presence of a person licensed to represent the society they live in. The moment of union is divine, but the rest of this rite of passage is a mere performance, and most often it's just excessively ornate theatre.

[Christine disagrees with me, and I love her for that. She keeps me real.]

Anyway, I bring this up because of today's wedding of the century, not. Camilla is an amazingly sexy woman (unfortunately, not many people see her that way) and the future British monarch certainly deserves to live the rest of his life in happiness with the woman he loves, in spite of what anyone thinks. Love conquers all...especially in post-colonial times. Legalize it, for all!

All the hitches in the 35-year relationship between the prince and his soon-to-be queen are a clear sign that the wall on which the prophets wrote is cracking at the seams. I am blown away by the fact that the civil/legal wedding ceremony for Charles III's second marriage has been performed away from public eyes. I see this as a stiff finger-giving gesture by Prince Charles. Queen Elizabeth's absence from the legalization ceremony marks this occasion in a very significant way. Although completely secular, that performative moment of "I do"s at the Guildhall is the most sublime moment in the marriage of Charles and Camilla. The rest of the wedding is just laughable...especially the pathetic 3rd-rate jazz band playing Congratulations (yes, the Cliff Richard Eurovision hit!) just outside Windsor's Guildhall.

To add a touch of absurdity to the performance, the future-King and H.R.H. the Duchess of Cornwall head off to meet the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, in the gothic surroundings of the 15th century St George's Chapel at Windsor (where the Queen Mother was buried a couple of years ago) to have their marriage blessed. Read an Ode to Immortality by William Wordsworth and all will be revealed.

As terrible as I am about weddings (including my own) I sincerely believe that both my weddings were more spectacular than Charles and Camilla's, albeit less formal, with not as extravagant a reception, and far less interesting to the general public. Then again, I'm a performance specialist and they're post-punk royals.

I sincerely wish the royal couple all the best in their marriage. May their union be as happy as the one I've enjoyed for the past several years with Christine, the queen of my heart.